06 | October | 2013 | Monday Mindfulness

To start something takes bravery and courage, but the body and mind usually have at least a base level of security, a feeling of excitement, curiosity, and anticipation about the great things that could potentially come.

To start again, to pick up where you left off — to overcome defeat, loss, pain — takes something even deeper and stronger than bravery or courage. It takes a faith, a deep down belief in yourself that you are going to be OK, even though you and often many of those around you cannot see, feel, or imagine that. Yet somehow, you find it – first faith, then hope, then courage. The fog slowly begins to clear, the heart softly open again, the colors of the Universe gradually return to their vibrancy – and your resiliency buffs the patina of your soul and makes you to shine once again.

In the words of my dear friend, Susan Kerr, painter, sculptor, writer, coach, inspiration to so many, “and hope found me and I was able to start again.”

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start again.

i had loved for years

i had held and cherished

and when she became sick

i had doctored and fed and wished and prayed

i had taken her back and forth

forth and back

to doctors

i had cried

i had hoped

i had seen her recover

and wished beyond reason

and then the day came

when i had to decide

and i had to let her go

to move on into this world of something else

we can transition, sleep, heaven?

and i did and so it was

and my heart fell out of my chest onto the floor

and it stayed there for days and months

nights were the hardest

as every day she would stay with me

lay with me

invite me to tenderness

she would see me

and i would hold her

and we would be

LOVE

LOVE

LOVE

and my broken heart one morning

saw the sun again

and another day some days later

it felt the sun again

and days later still

i was able to smile and later laugh

and even later still lift my face to that sun of all things miraculous

and then later still i picked up my paints

and hope found me

and i was able to

start again.

– Susan Kerr