I am not broken.
Although, perhaps to some I may appear that way.
When I sit in stillness, in the quiet of my own heart, it is clear that I may be chipped.
I may be cracked.
Parts of me may be loose or wobbly,
but there is such a profound beauty
in all of the scars and markings of this worn and tired being,
that I can only imagine
if I were completely broken
I would be even more beautiful.
Saying yes to “hard.”
With kindness
and gentleness.
With hope
and tenacity.
With assertiveness
and assuredness.
Calm.
Confident.
Clear.
Recognizing the “hard”
as the nudge
towards
easing up
and
letting go.
Tossing and turning
to release the entanglements,
the incomplete exchanges,
the charges,
the depletions,
the crossings,
taking from,
or rejecting
others
and self.
Battling in the darkness
the shame
and judgment
of the weaknesses,
mistakes,
and stuckness.
Playing the game
of loathing,
disaappintment,
protection,
defeat,
revenge,
in my sleep.
All the while knowing that whatever happened yesterday does not decide today.
No matter the outcome of the dreams or circumstances of before,
I will awake to a whole new tomorrow,
another opportunity to play.
The sky parts,
inviting me closer,
calling me towards something,
no path,
no plan,
to go nowhere
or everywhere.
Just go…
be free.
Is the freedom in the flying or the landing?
Going away or coming home?
Is freedom in the movement,
or the stillness,
in the belonging,
or the aloneness,
in the surrender,
or the embrace?
Freedom is not achieved.
It is a quality of mind.
Could it be that I am afraid to truly be free?
My old, worn out shoes,
so familiar,
form to fit my imperfect feet,
adapted over time to accommodate my lopsided gate,
carrying me faithfully in my uneven stride.
There comes that time that those beloved companions have served their purpose,
worn out in functionality,
poised for retirement.
In come the replacements,
stiff,
awkward,
shifting,
adjusting.
Blisters making way for bliss – forging new connections for movement and growth.
I don’t wanna,
but I will
because it is all happening
for me
and for my highest good,
not what I think
or feel
in this moment,
but a long lasting learning.
and knowing
that transcends
this human experience
and that’s what I’m here for.
One day this single path abruptly split in two.
The potential in both directions was intriguing and alluring,
albeit a bit daunting.
The split itself brought much spaciousness and beauty,
a chance to pause and survey the widespread landscape of the past and present,
confirming there could be no wrong steps forward,
the divide simply an invitation to reawaken to this journey
and joyfully take the next step.
The shadow of the leaf.
A lingering impression it makes as the sun touches the earth,
predictable, recognizable, seemingly unchanging.
And then the moon eclipses the sun.
The angle of light shifts as it shines on the earth.
Shadows arc and transform just as freely as the leaf dances in the wind,
fully capable of showing up differently.
Thinking…thinking….thinking….
No room for the heart to heal.
The cast iron vault concealing deep and splintering wounds too fragile to expose.
Can the world handle the explosion?
Is it ready for the imprisoned love and joy to be released?
Will critical thoughts, past hurts, and fear prevent the unleashing?
Oh, to find creativity again…
For creativity to find me.
Touching once more vitality,
vibrancy,
and free expression.
All that is left to do is to
Feel…feel…feel…
Finding the balance between expressing and encroaching,
between stepping back and leaning in.
There are moments to blend
and times to expand.
Expressing one’s colors
requires softness and boldness,
the ability to complement and hold up another and still stand fully on your own.
Today, will it be accent or statement?
There are places to be both.
Monday Mindfulness 