fear | Monday Mindfulness

January 2, 2023
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Seeking My Place in the Sun

I am never quite sure what challenges lie ahead.

I reach out, spreading my branches despite the fog.

I do not know what I will touch or be touched by.

I cannot help but feel a darkness lurking there, fear ever present in knowing there may be hurt or pain in the unknowns and unkinds that secretly swirl around me.

The fog fuels my insecurity as the branches of other trees press against me further threatening my place in the sun.

It is then that I remember that I am made to bend and sway.

I reach not with my branches but deep down through my roots.

I extend my roots for both of us, steadying me and gently holding you so that together we can face the fog and darkness with greater certainty.

I am grateful to feel your roots hold me in return.

Under the pressure to withstand, when I feel and share my roots I need not push away those that cast shadows.

We need not struggle to find our way alone.

As I lend strength, I find security.

As I steady others, we stand together,

equally thriving,

despite the fog.

October 3, 2022
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Pressure

The harder I rattle the cage, The tighter the confines become.

The more I strive for spaciousness, the more suffocating and unfruitful my actions.

Moved by desire, lofty outcomes in place, I remain caught up in my belief that freedom, success, and wholeness are not attainable…there is always one more sticker to put on the chart before I can experience that reward.

When I put aside the roadblocks of desire and achievement and allow true being to flow, there is still plenty of room for me to thrive and the world to know my magnificence, right here, right now, just the way I am.

September 26, 2022
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Decay

Sitting here amongst the relics of old memories and life experiences, the edges now crumbled, some barely recognizable in their origin, purpose or story.

Just formed yesterday or residue of my ancestors’ journeys, the structure erodes.

There is sadness and longing in the erosion.

As the structure of what was folds back into the landscape, the experiences of yesterday become the soft touch of wind on my skin, the journey of tomorrow the warm light in the sky before me,

I need nothing more than the light and wind to remind me of where I have been and where I might next go.

The memories eroding in my mind become the bedrock of my being.

May 23, 2022
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Here and Now

Fear is born of the past.

Worry is tied to the future.

In the stillness of this moment

fully present

there is joy.

Instead of trying to form my being

If I allow myself to be

I find joy.

March 30, 2021
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Blossom

How the sun warms the air around me,

enticing the earth to release its hold.

Slowly I begin to uncoil, splitting myself

rooting and sprouting.

Even as darkness remains,

tentatively I stretch and reach, barely taking hold.

Not sure whether I can dig myself out,

I vow to love

and hold

and encourage

and grow my little self.

Even with the fear of frost,

I will blossom.

March 1, 2021
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Moon lighting

Caught in the shadows, staying focused on the light.

December 3, 2019
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Splat! Eeek! Oh!

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Thought I had the shower all to myself. Turns out a little frog thought the same.

As I hurried around the corner to turn on the water, it sprung from the wall to the ground with a giant splat. The sound was enormous!

My heart recoiled at the explosion. Fear grabbed me. It pulled the breath from my chest. My body tensed from head to toe ready to respond. My mind raced through the options…fight…or…flee…I froze.

It was at that moment I wondered – if I hadn’t been in such a hurry, if I hadn’t been so distracted with thoughts and urgency, would I have had the same reaction?

If I had been truly present and more attuned to my surroundings, would I have rounded the corner more gently? Would the frog and I perhaps have exchanged a glance but then carried on with our business?

Because I was in such a hurry and so distracted, I had created an unsettled space for both the frog and me.

Oh, how fear takes advantage of us and sneaks in to catch us when we are off balance. And how our actions impact others’ experiences. That poor frog would certainly have benefited from a little more care and focus from me…and I would have actually been able to get a shower instead of taking that time to sort through my surging fears and emotions.

May 6, 2019
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The mist of the unknown

Change sinks in like a heavy fog.

It distorts my view. I become disoriented as it wraps around me.

I am afraid. All that is familiar is disappearing before me.

I am now isolated in its grips. It presses in upon my weary bones and tests the strength of my very constitution.

Somehow I find the courage to endure its press upon me as it softly whispers…”trust me.”

And just when the weight feels too much to bear, I surrender. I surrender the need to know what lies beyond. I trust that the weathered framework that is me will endure.

And then the winds shift and rays of sun seep in. My surroundings reappear with some familiarity and yet a brightness and clarity that tunes my eyes to seeing what went before unnoticed.

In uncoiling from this temporary isolation, I see that I am still here. I have withstood the pressure in the mist of the unknown.

All is brighter and inviting now as I embrace this new vision and carry on.

October 8, 2018
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A Call to Activism

Live Oak - Activism

In the darkness, fear and anger deepen their grip on me. Bumping up against ideals, opinions, and stories that I have formed, with urgency I am compelled to avenge imbalances and inequities. I dash in to sweep up the broken pieces of what I perceive as attacks against me and struggle surrounding me. I am driven to defend principles that through my ego’s eye define me.

This posture that I take implies superiority and gives way to judgment. In my rush to right the wrongs, I become the being I so justly argue against. Resentment bubbles up and my ego says, “they are not worthy…they should be punished…they do not belong…silence them…shun them.”

And then my heart whispers, “wait…they too are suffering.” Those opinions I defend and just as importantly those I oppose are here to guide, test, and inform me.

To release my struggle, my fear, my anger, and my suffering, others do not need to pay a conjured debt for who they are.

Compassion, patience, and trust become my weapons against the injustices, inequities, and imbalances that swirl around me.

Allowing it all to exist and maintaining harmony, care, and peace…that is the true work of an activist.