Cracks in the foundation.
Gotta dig deeper.
Move more dirt.
Secure the footings.
Rising fear like flooding waters.
Climbing higher
Full of frailty
Mounting doubt
Insecurity
in the instability
existence threatened
Could it all crumble?
Maybe it should.
Digging deep.
I may not always be able to see clearly,
But I can always feel clearly
When I accept that where I am is where I am.
So many times I have wished for a window into the future, into the consequences of my choices.
Seeking certainty in my decisions, weighing my intuition against the feedback in my environment, just to be sure I am getting the best deal, walking the right path, doing the proper thing.
All along I have sought clarity to fuel my certainty. I thought that clarity would provide assurance as if my choices could ever be right or wrong.
The day I chose acceptance over assurance is the day I began to realize there are no good and bad choices, no right or wrong.
When I seek assurance in my choices, I am doubting my capacity to be flexible, creative, and resilient.
When I seek to accept my choices I engage compassion for myself and confidence that I will be ok no matter what choice I make.
The wind says run.
The sun says stay.
The cool at the edges of my body says retreat…or is it calling me towards it?
The warm in the center of my being spreads outward craving more – warm seeking warm.
The body clenches and contracts in the coolness,
Portions of me are soft from the inner warmth.
I crave the warm.
I find the cool invigorating and awakening.
This tug of warm and cool, of retreat and advance, of contract and expand, plays within and all around me.
Ping-ponging from one as if better than the other or as one instead of the other, appearing as lack or wanting.
Then there is that moment…I recognize I can be warm and cool at the same time.
Where the opposites exist simultaneously within and for me.
Feeling nurtured and grounded, safe and secure in the warmth, and at the same time empowered to expand outward into the bright, crisp air and what lies before me.
How magical it is to be in two experiences simultaneously – like night and day, not opposites or tag-teaming but always there, highlighting one another.
A reminder that my world is not linear or singular.
There is never just one view, one perspective, or one answer.
I can have both but I am not without either. It is just where I happen to focus my attention, where I choose to create the story, and what I chose to feel.
It is the play of duality.
It is the “and” of being human.
Why is it that I am so regularly seduced by over work at the sacrifice of self care and compassion?
Caught in the net of a never ending to-do list that lures me away from rest and towards the mirage of success.
In the end, it is not the amount of work I get done but my capacity to enjoy the work I do and that is only possible with sufficient compassion and care.
“Prepare your doors for departure and cross check, please” said the pilot before departing the gate.
How often in our daily lives do we launch without proper preparation?
The brief pause to transition from one moment to the other – to conduct a cross check and prepare for what comes next – provides clarity, confidence, and confirmation that I am ready to move forward.
This cross check also eliminates potential danger and reduces the likelihood of unfortunate outcomes.
On the rhythm of every breath lies the opportunity to prepare for departure, to make wiser choices, and be ready for what lies ahead.
And, with that next exhale, looking keenly and calmly ahead, I softly whisper, “Cross check complete.”
Imagine no more separateness. No more day. No more night. No more sleep. No more wake. Simply a space in which I rest when I am tired and I dance and play when I feel joyful.
Night and day converging, it is all just a dream. What takes place is all imagined – what power I have to control my story! I can awaken at any time to adjust the impression left by this moment.
I can dance in the moonlight, rest during the day, sun and moon in one sky. The yin and yang of life itself poised in equanimity, one space, one being.
When the sun and the moon brighten the sky together, that will be the moment in which I realize anything is possible, any story can be written or rewritten, and life is all unfolding under one timeless sky.
On the surface rests an assumption of flavor, texture, and tartness. Neither color, nor shape, nor size can truly tell me what’s inside.
I can’t necessarily rely on prior experience to guide me. I am informed and intelligent, yet my predictions are never risk free. There is always a chance of finding sourness, mushiness, under ripeness or rot. Even in the bitterness there is nutrition.
Am I willing to let down my guard, to go against the odds, and to look past the outside appearances and find a way to see all as just ripe for me?
Waiting for my thoughts to quiet.
With each breath, feigning an attempt to soften the tension in my muscles.
Always on high alert, my body is the ever faithful soldier standing at attention, ready to advance, attack, or defend.
My thoughts and feeling providing constant counsel, conducting their business at all hours of the day and night as if essential personnel.
It is a strange request I make that all the components that serve me in my daily busy-ness are called upon now to rest.
They are troubled by this pause as it could imply they may no longer be needed. They resist – the body…the mind…the emotions that want to protect and define me.
And yet, a strange and delightful spaciousness coats my experience when I am willing to just sit down and breathe.
It frees them all to not disappear but to serve me better. They become my friends, sipping tea on the deck, holding hands and dancing in the absence of mission and doing.
Oh, the joy of knowing my thoughts, my feelings, my body in the absence of need.
We rest here for a bit together, finding a freshness in how we coexist…
…and then we agree to do this much more often.
It is not discrimination I fear as much as dejection.
Discrimination says because you are different you do not fit in.
Dejection says because I don’t value you, you don’t belong.
We all deserve to feel we belong…and fit in.
Monday Mindfulness 