Suppressed sorrow, inner anger, fear, hatred, and injustice boil inside of me.
My breath, my breath – it struggles to move. I feel all so intensely but for the capacity to breathe – to imbibe the life force of my being.
I judge with ignorance. I judge from a place of intolerance. I judge inaction and I judge action.
I accuse. I blame. I judge. I shame…it goes on and on.
I carry my own sufferings as well as yours, knowing the answer is to relieve from within, to activate a force of love so great that others and myself cannot help but be moved to peace.
I begin to see the mistakes and inadequacies and to release myself and subsequently you from the shackles of limited beliefs and misperceptions.
I begin to feel the shift. I begin to feel myself escaping…not as a victim but as a beacon in a rising space of forgiveness, freedom and love. The hate softens and I then hold so much more compassion, kindness and understanding for all the sufferings than ever before.
And, as this life would have it, the weight bears down once more on my throat, taking away my voice, closing off my airway, and so I begin again turning inward.
These times when the breath cannot be freed, I must turn to love and relieve the anger from within.
Creativity is a river always running through us…a river that sources imagination.
Imagination gives rise to widening pools of contemplation and greater depths of cohesion.
From this place springs the voice of the intuition…flowing strong and confidently into my external reality.
The more often I sit by this river and allow the currents to flow, the more resonant my knowing and the more joyful and fulfilling my experiences become.
With each breath, feigning an attempt to soften the tension in my muscles.
Always on high alert, my body is the ever faithful soldier standing at attention, ready to advance, attack, or defend.
My thoughts and feeling providing constant counsel, conducting their business at all hours of the day and night as if essential personnel.
It is a strange request I make that all the components that serve me in my daily busy-ness are called upon now to rest.
They are troubled by this pause as it could imply they may no longer be needed. They resist – the body…the mind…the emotions that want to protect and define me.
And yet, a strange and delightful spaciousness coats my experience when I am willing to just sit down and breathe.
It frees them all to not disappear but to serve me better. They become my friends, sipping tea on the deck, holding hands and dancing in the absence of mission and doing.
Oh, the joy of knowing my thoughts, my feelings, my body in the absence of need.
We rest here for a bit together, finding a freshness in how we coexist…
Do not worry, my friend…we know the way. To stumble or feel unsure does not require that we abandon the walk. Rather, it is simply calling upon us to step more genuinely and confidently across the stones, to move more freely to the rhythm of our own knowing. We have been preparing to walk these stones, this path, for a lifetime. You know the way.
My body is a part of me. It tells me when it needs nourishment and rest.
I can manifest the most horrific diseases by ignoring the signs in my body that are saying slow down, ease off, make a change.
There is no way my body can stop being ill until I care for it.
It is time for me to take responsibility for the way I feel. I do not need to be sick to care for myself. Sick is a reminder that I have neglected to care for me.
These are real symptoms – not of some outside force taking over, but a means of communication from the inside – me sending a message to me that something is out of alignment – the schedule, a relationship, nutrition, work…my connection with me.
Each of us has ignored signs that our bodies needed more care until we were really sick, feeling that powering through is a sign of strength. We don’t need to go there.
True strength lies in respecting myself enough to rest, eat well, choose to receive kindness and love from others and to forgive and let go of those who are in a position to diminish my sense of worthiness.
My body should be held and loved by me as a baby bird that has fallen from its nest. Given a chance to be seen, heard, and to heal.
When I carry my body as it carries me, my body allows me to witness the capacity I have for deep love and profound peace and healing.
My heart feels quickly, as if flowing on subtle currents in the air. Ego moves faster, thrusting against the wind. Emotions lag behind but still they dance closely together, ego and feelings.
Guided by the dance, I strut and swirl around with urgency, bravado, and sprawling feathers. Responding to surface winds, impulsively flying in a defensive posture, these auto-pilot movements are built on the residue of my stories.
Something shifts and suddenly I am still. For a moment, my intuition takes the lead. There is no need for flight , no rush to action. I know all I need to know as I slow these frenetic motions.
I land. I unruffle. In the not-doing, I am even more than I was just moments before. I hang here in the peace and stillness of slow-looking.
In the quiet stillness of the morning’s dawn, I sit, knowing my fullness. Visions and reflections upon a life that is joyful, playful, peaceful, successful, grateful, “easeful,” all floating through my consciousness. I smile in all of the fullness and the goodness that I feel in those quite moments.
And, as the day rolls in and I leave my perch of stillness, of knowing who I really am, in walk the dominant thoughts and beliefs, those who come bearing gifts of knowledge, perspective, and guidance.
Disguised as motivation and inspiration, they convince me that they should stay. As the days go on, more and more of them fill the walls that are me until there is no room for much of anything else.
It becomes harder and harder to return to the visions of the joyful, peaceful, successful me as more and more of my thoughts and beliefs are no longer playful, easeful, and grateful, but are doubtful, stressful, hurtful, “limitful” and “lackful.”
With this set of beliefs and thoughts, how can I expect to live out my heart’s deepest longing, my rightful life of grace and ease, my natural state of happiness and goodness? I cannot.
So, I dig down deep, barely remembering that beautiful being that is me. I close my eyes and breathe deeply. I drop back into the stillness of the early dawn and on each exhale I thank those dominant thoughts and beliefs for their visit. I wish them well as they whisk away on the mist of my breath.
I return to simply being…in all the strength, beauty, vitality, richness, ease, and joy that is me.
You stand here on the verge of opportunity, of expansive and lifelong joy and fulfillment, not because you are heading out into the world to receive knowledge, gifts, and experiences from the world, but because you are ready to take responsibility for who you are and the contributions you make to your world.
You hold within you everything you need, all the knowledge, all the guidance, all the tools, all the wisdom, to be great and to be happy, to feel and share goodness and empowerment. Everything you need is right there within you.
Your generous spirit and your ability to make others laugh and feel cared for goes way back to when you were little. Your empathy, sympathy, and compassion for others is great. You were always the first to pick up a friend who tumbled, to offer your spot if it helped someone feel better, to clean up a mess that wasn’t yours, or to share a smile when no one else could find theirs.
Just be sure you have as much compassion, love, and kindness for yourself.
We know your missteps, your stumbles and wobbly choices were never intended to harm and were what you needed to do to learn the power of you, to learn how to listen not to what you think or feel should be done to please others but to rely upon your inner wisdom, the tiny little voice of your heart, that knows what is right…what is really right for you. Because when you do what is right for you, it ends up making everything right around you.
Trust yourself more. Know that you don’t have to make a big splash. Honor your divine spirit and let your natural state of being sparkle. Know that your true purpose is simply to do your best…and that is enough. It truly is enough.
I will try to remember that too, especially when I pass judgment, apply expectations, and forget that you are not here to fill my dreams.
Live with vision, intention, and determination. Stay accountable for your actions – feel your freedom and self-respect grow. Go confidently forward and remain present, bypassing what might, should, and could have happened, and instead focus your energy on building a life around you of peace and acceptance.
You will most certainly face many challenges, sadness, failures, and pain. Remember those experiences are only there to help you dig deeper into discovering who you are. Surrender your decision-making to your inner wisdom, listen to your deepest self and know your greater purpose.
You are no small part of anything. Remember your greatness, your power, your love, and your joy, always…and that is what I will remember of you.
I am whole.
