I am not broken.
Although, perhaps to some I may appear that way.
When I sit in stillness, in the quiet of my own heart, it is clear that I may be chipped.
I may be cracked.
Parts of me may be loose or wobbly,
but there is such a profound beauty
in all of the scars and markings of this worn and tired being,
that I can only imagine
if I were completely broken
I would be even more beautiful.
Let it all flow…
Hot and messy
like a volcano.
Root down and rise up,
Stop your feet,
Get low to the ground.
Burst with great force,
triumphantly,
unapologetically,
into the sky
Release the big
and scary
and frustrating.
Shake like a wet dog when you feel stuck or over burdened.
Curl inward and rest until you remember your power.
You are magnificent.
You
are
magnificent.
The current flows through me like a lightening bolt.
Jaggedly it rips at my center.
The burning wake of hollowness almost crumbles me to the ground.
As the charge hits the earth,
it dissipates,
diffuses,
extinguished in a flash.
Breath and smoldering flesh hang on.
Roots cling to the soil,
unhinged by the destruction.
The sky still dark,
the air now still,
droplets descend from the clouds as a small peace offering and attempt to soothe.
Shhhh….
calls out the rain.
You will prevail.
Forever changed, yes.
Wearing the beautiful mark
of challenge overcome,
and your willingness to be a conduit
for the powerful energy of
change.
Dark and heavy clouds fill the sky.
There is a moist, chilling feel in the air.
Worry, doubt, and greed swirl on the wind.
At the center of it all,
like an eye opening timidly from a long slumber,
a small space opens.
Unleashed absent effort,
unconditional,
unassuming,
extending unrestrainably outward,
an ancient healing balm,
a penetrating and permiating force,
stirs and
rises up.
It moves and shifts,
overcoming,
discerning,
dissolving,
and shifting.
Without seeking,
or striving,
it appears,
almost effervescently,
greeting all of the
anguish,
pain,
and
suffering
with gentle kindness,
patience,
humility,
and peace.
Love moves from within,
chosen
to be
seen,
felt,
and heard.
.
Curled up in a tiny ball,
breath pressing against muscles and bones heavy with the weight of not knowing.
The voice trying to find its footing,
wanting so desperately to be guided to its answers by the outside,
knowing it must dig deep and mine its own direction authentically from within.
In between each sigh,
a tear drops to the floor,
the only sign of motion
in this otherwise still
and down thrown body.
The simultaneous fullness
and emptiness
pulling at its core.
To be all
and
nothing.
Not afraid
to be afraid.
Dear Tears,
The pain is so intense, at times, taking the breath away.
Your arrival is a sign of hope,
and a forceful reminder to surrender.
You cleanse and clear the way for a new perspective.
Diving in so deeply and fully, consuming the moment,
you somehow soften the pain and bring breath back into the body.
This dance of flowing, heaving, melting, twisting and turning kneads the suffering into softness.
Every droplet contains an ocean of loving tenderness.
So beautifully pulling back the curtain,
allowing the light in,
transcending time,
washing out all bridges of reality,
exposing the space between,
bringing us home for healing.
Pain provides an opportunity to turn towards lessons and lessening or to adopt as a wounded state as a part of identity.
For sure, the wave of wound on the heels of pain can feel logical and essential. It may perhaps be needed in order to make a choice. The wound from pain can be like a riptide that is easy to get caught in…that can provide great struggle and even the potential to drown.
However, to ride that current, perhaps even begin to understand it’s make up and direction and feel more fully into it just briefly, produces the wisdom to release the struggle and be propelled to its edges by its own force.
Without resistance, the riptide has nothing to hold onto and pushes away what it cannot drag down.
In due time, the churning and swirling when met with curiosity, tenderness, and patience has the capacity to deliver an object once more to calm and safe waters.
It is in returning to this calm space where wisdom is found…the pain lessened and the wound converted to a lesson.
While woundnedness perpetuates a perceived lack of safety imposed externally, wisdom reinforces the notion that safety is created in the choice to experience but not drown in the wound.
While ideally the sea of life hopes to offer smooth, calm, clear waters, it also aspires to shape future landscapes and to never remain the same, retaining unintentially in its purpose the potential for pain.
And in this way, there lie endless opportunities to ride or resist, to learn or succumb.
I feel the greatness in your
growing, breaking, mending, carrying, holding, transporting, containing, connecting, relaying, transmitting, receiving, processing, absorbing, rejecting, integrating, mutating, protecting, defending, expressing, mobilizing, representing,
existing
just for me.
It is with exceptional gratitude that I celebrate your magnificence, always accommodating, rebuilding, recoiling.
Today, in this stillness, I send you life force,
out to your very edges from the deepest, purest center of my being.
Feel me in your heart,
warm, glowing, thriving, existing with and within you.
Such a cherished gift you are and have been all these many years.
May I never forget your devotion, consistency, and capacity to endure and co-create this being.
Funny how you work so hard for something to be over and then when you are done there is a sense of sadness or loss.
Don’t get me wrong, there is still plenty of room for joy in letting go but the habit that developed is going to take some time to get over.
Maybe grief isn’t so much about doing without as much as it’s about breaking a habit and finding comfort in a new routine.
Whether by myself or with many,
Warm or cold,
In a place familiar or the unknown,
At the moment I begin to feel disconnected,
I wrap myself in my memories and experiences,
The times when I felt or longed for love,
And those precious moments I encountered,
even if just briefly,
the unconditional essence of my being,
Always there, all ways there.
Cloaked in this love, I am never alone.
Monday Mindfulness 