Mired in the fog of fatigue, loss, and self-doubt,
I am more fragile these days,
More prone to tears,
aware of tightness,
weakness,
imbalance.
Heavy and slower moving,
hyper-vigilant,
frenetic,
almost desperate to break free.
Oh, to relieve the longing,
the striving,
the insecurities.
To return to my true nature.
I am more fragile these days,
but not broken.
Tucked away for now,
but I will surely bloom again.
I breathe in, filling with the life force that moves me into every adventure, like the climbing of a roller coaster to the peak of its highest rail.
I teeter at the top, momentarily suspended in the gap of the breath the frozen space of fear.
And then I soften, surrender, and remember I am bigger than the gap. When I become bigger in the space of fear, fear becomes a place of play.
I can wade, jump, dive, trickle or race through the gap, inviting the breath to meet me at the other side. As I move more fully into each turn, each bend and dip in the rail, I become bigger and bigger with every breath.
In the bigness, I am fluid and free. There, in that space, I cannot help but smile in the excitement I find in being me…in breathing excitement into fear.
I feel your heart beating next to mine even though miles away.
I know your moments of pain and sorrow even without hearing you cry.
On the gentle breeze that blows, I encounter great waves of relief, joy, and peace as they ebb and flow in you.
Even out of site I know you are there.
We may be physically distanced, but energetically, emotionally, socially, we are closer than ever before.
Physical distancing,
Social connecting.
Today we may just be closer than ever before.
Thankful for the gifts of mistakes…poor choices…and illness.
Thankful for the lessons learned through the suffering of others as they have so generously lit the way to the path of something else.
Thankful for the eyes that see flawlessness in the presence of imperfections.
Thankful for every scar that contributes to this living road map.
Thankful for the loss that serves as a beacon of hope.
Thankful for quiet act of forgiveness.
Thankful for the essence of grace.
Thankful for the peace that rests at the core of existence.
Thankful for this life of privilege,
and that you and I can be just as we are.
Thankful we can be.
Serenely, attentively, and lovingly I focus on cradling the dangling roots of a small plant as they uncoil themselves from the snug inside edges of their familiar small pot. I invite the plant to settle into a new place to live. Grace, peace, and fluidity guide the roots gently into their new home. The plant is ready to grow as this new pot offers room to branch out.
The transplanting has nonetheless been stressful and will require new resources and support from the inside and out in order for this little plant to thrive.
Planting complete, I hop up quickly, losing focus and in a furry of thoughts and feelings I upheave my own roots, tumbling down onto the ground right next to my newly potted plant.
I have lost my footing, my roots now tangled and exposed…some broken, others barely hanging on. The damage rocks my whole being.
And in that very moment, a little voice inside me says, “Be kind, attentive and serenely focused. Lovingly tuck those roots into new, unfamiliar soil and invite them to take hold, to uncoil in a new direction.”
Not without pain, focused effort, and belief that I will be stronger, I expand my roots. I find resources on the inside and outside to grow deep. I settle into a new space of being and in this nurturing of my roots, I realize an enhanced capacity to flower, bear fruit, and thrive in a way previously unattainable.
Every tumble, every root exposed is an opportunity to uncoil and lovingly replant, to be bigger and stronger than I ever was before.
In the darkness, fear and anger deepen their grip on me. Bumping up against ideals, opinions, and stories that I have formed, with urgency I am compelled to avenge imbalances and inequities. I dash in to sweep up the broken pieces of what I perceive as attacks against me and struggle surrounding me. I am driven to defend principles that through my ego’s eye define me.
This posture that I take implies superiority and gives way to judgment. In my rush to right the wrongs, I become the being I so justly argue against. Resentment bubbles up and my ego says, “they are not worthy…they should be punished…they do not belong…silence them…shun them.”
And then my heart whispers, “wait…they too are suffering.” Those opinions I defend and just as importantly those I oppose are here to guide, test, and inform me.
To release my struggle, my fear, my anger, and my suffering, others do not need to pay a conjured debt for who they are.
Compassion, patience, and trust become my weapons against the injustices, inequities, and imbalances that swirl around me.
Allowing it all to exist and maintaining harmony, care, and peace…that is the true work of an activist.
What if your daily experiences were really no different than your dreams – simply stories pieced together to provide information. Stories intended to awaken in you parts that are dormant, numb, forgotten or that would otherwise go unnoticed. Each of these stories placed before you to illuminate a potential to think, feel, and engage differently beyond what is familiar and routine.
When I move my body in a new way, I awaken unfamiliar yet exciting new connections with muscles and bones. When I move my thoughts with curiosity, not always believing I have the answer, I am no longer reticent but have rubbed the sleep from my eyes. When my emotions flow freely, even to the point of creating discomfort, I welcome the new dawn of compassion, courage, trust, and forgiveness.
I awaken an inner knowing, like the sun illuminating the sky. I am suddenly aware of something far greater than these dreams. I rise from the darkness knowing my capacity to explore, play, experiment, feel and know, all the while aware that the stories do not make me.
I keep joy by my bedside
Nestled in shells that sing the song of freedom
And the flickering light of grace in my heart
To remind me that I am love
To remind me that all is love.
Follow not the bright star
that leads from above,
but the light from within
that guides with pure love.
Think with your heart. Have faith in your instincts. Place yourself in unfamiliar positions and you just might find you are more comfortable and happier than you ever imagined you could be.
