Challenge can breed fear.
Fear fosters insecurity.
Insecurity inhibits growth.
Growth is a fundamental quality of living.
With growth we can overcome fear.
With every little bit of fear we face
We grow and that growth produces wider bands of safety
Making the next challenge a little easier to face,
Until more and more often the challenges yield directly to growth over fear,
And growth becomes the natural next step closer to joy.
They say it’s the rainy season,
But this sweet hibiscus might disagree.
Roots reach out for a hint of moisture
Only to find dry fissures.
Body wilting,
Edges curling
Under the heat of the
Unrelenting sun.
Is it possible to need less?
To hold out for the rain?
Leaves start to yellow and fall to the ground.
It may be unrecoverable.
The sky grays,
The wind picks up
Tugging on every branch.
Pounding rain bounces off the parched ground
Smacking the undersides of the few remaining leaves.
The clouds break.
The ground is soft.
The leaves are green.
Out pops a blossom.
No ties to suffering.
No lingering struggle.
Just strong, vibrant.
Resilient.
Shifting
Swirling
Overlapping
Never separate
Never fully one
Dark and light blending
No clear definition
Stormy or clearing
All sources of nourishment
Endless gifts
Purpose in all.
Standing on the precipice, mountains before me and behind me, I contemplate briefly the ascent or decent into the unknown.
No worries that the fog hinders my view because I feel my feet. I know that each moment, step by attuned step, I will find the earth and the sure footing that only comes with internal clarity.
Like the goat that climbs the rocks and edges of the cliffs with certainty, I approach the present, with the same attention to which I have all too often focused on my future and my past.
Looking back and looking forward the fog distorts the view. The lack of clarity forces me to see here, only that which is right in front of me.
In this moment, I put my hooves to the ground. I see the steps I need to take right here and now. I do not need to see the mountains in the foreground to know my way.
This morning, just as dawn broke in the sky, my eyes fluttered open.
Immediately my body tensed as I filled my head with to-do items, remaining self-criticism of all my failures and missed deadlines and opportunities of the day before, and doubts about whether I could make anything worthwhile out of today.
And just before I peeled back the covers and dashed off to start another arduous day, I wondered what was it like when I would just wake up happy?
There must have been a time in life when my first thoughts weren’t of the past or future but of noticing right now,
Where I simply noticed the cool of the morning air on my cheeks, the stillness of my body, the comfort of my bed.
A time when I felt whole, complete and not in a rush to hurry on or recoil into hiding.
I felt my way back into my body with a kind reacquaintance as if welcoming back an old and dear friend.
I noticed little sounds and followed them rhythmically in my mind sometimes as they travelled to me and sometimes back to their source.
I made no plan for what was next.
And on the voice that travels through the cells of my body softly said
This is love,
This is joy,
This is who I am.
I waited and waited there until that one memory resurfaced of that time when I awoke like this…or at least it conjured the feeling I had awoken like this.
I felt into that fully…waking up as enough, waking up with my heart open, waking up in love with myself and knowing that anything is possible when I wake up happy.
Someone reminded me this week that I am a grown up. As such, I have the capacity to care for myself, even survive on my own, and I have the luxury of absolute choice.
Sure, I know I am a grown up and can make choices but I still have the fear of a child. I fear making choices that will be wrong, cause suffering, or result in bad consequences.
As I further consider my power of choice, I am just now realizing that perhaps there are no right or wrong consequences. There really is no good versus bad. I do not need to avoid a choice because the outcome is not crystal clear or safe enough to follow through on.
I can chose to do or not do anything. Yes it comes with consequences but it also cultivates freedom.
Each consequence is simply another opportunity for choice, an opportunity to play more confidently and creatively with my power to choose.
Karma, choice in action, is not the punishment that results from my choices but the next actions available to me as a result of my choosing.
I do not need to avoid choices or fear consequences any more. I am a grown up. I just need to be ready to make the next choice.
To cross the stream, I search for stones that seem fixed despite the moving waters.
These stones suggest a level of safety in my crossing as they seen unmoved by the current,
stronger than I could be on my own.
Is the stream really too deep and forceful that I need the stones or
can I make the crossing?
I question my capacity to carry myself,
despite the quiet flash of reassurance in my belly suggesting I could navigate the waters just fine on my own.
I turn instead to the stones’ promise to hold me.
Without hesitation, I step wildly, quickly, with hope that they will be what they appear to be.
I put my trust completely in the stones
Only to find them unbalanced, slippery, unable to hold me, and
Depositing me completely and fully into the water.
My trust in the stones vanishes into the darkness.
I fight the current…the message…trust no one.
Suddenly the flash returns…trust…trust yourself.
It doesn’t have to be steady, clear, easy, or look a certain way.
I dive into the self-reliance that holds me, guides me, connects me with the edge of safety.
There in that moment I find trust on the inside that inspires more reliable trust on the outside.
It’s easy to get overwhelmed by the possibilities we have for abundance.
The interesting thing is that the more we feel a need to search for it, desire it, and perceive a lack of it, we forget it’s always there.
Abundance is sourced from gratitude.
Gratitude is the present moment awareness of the natural flow of love and goodness in our lives.
Gratitude arises from grace.
Grace is one’s capacity to fill a life’s destiny as opposed to filling life densely with action that opens us to joy.
When we can sit back, stop striving, and peel back the layers of perceived lack and suffering, we find that life abounds with possibilities.
The more open and creative we become in filling our life’s destiny the more we attune to the natural flow of abundance.
What we are creating is not abundance itself but a means by which it can freely surface, brightening our connection with joy and love.
Each of us is standing in our own ripples,
Not different but unique,
Finding our own way to stay steady in shared space.
In this familiar but sometime unpredictable environment,
Looking for patterns that help us feel secure,
Relying on patterns that helped us adapt,
We find ourselves courageous enough to learn new patterns that allow us to thrive even more fully
Amongst the ripples.
Even in the presence of the greatest fear or anger, I can exercise refined goodwill, fluid kindness…grace. Tactfully navigating life’s challenges is one of the greatest opportunities we have to embody love. Not just in the big confrontations but in the small everyday exchanges.
Monday Mindfulness 