Even in my darkest moments,
My most intense forms of suffering,
I find flickering deep within an ember of hope, a knowing that this is temporary,
a moment of exploration and learning.
Pain is informative and a reminder that there is the opposite – great peace, ease, harmony, and joy – just around the corner,
riding in valiantly on the next breath,
to remind me that I am just as much that as anything else.
Tossing and turning
to release the entanglements,
the incomplete exchanges,
the charges,
the depletions,
the crossings,
taking from,
or rejecting
others
and self.
Battling in the darkness
the shame
and judgment
of the weaknesses,
mistakes,
and stuckness.
Playing the game
of loathing,
disaappintment,
protection,
defeat,
revenge,
in my sleep.
All the while knowing that whatever happened yesterday does not decide today.
No matter the outcome of the dreams or circumstances of before,
I will awake to a whole new tomorrow,
another opportunity to play.
My old, worn out shoes,
so familiar,
form to fit my imperfect feet,
adapted over time to accommodate my lopsided gate,
carrying me faithfully in my uneven stride.
There comes that time that those beloved companions have served their purpose,
worn out in functionality,
poised for retirement.
In come the replacements,
stiff,
awkward,
shifting,
adjusting.
Blisters making way for bliss – forging new connections for movement and growth.
One day this single path abruptly split in two.
The potential in both directions was intriguing and alluring,
albeit a bit daunting.
The split itself brought much spaciousness and beauty,
a chance to pause and survey the widespread landscape of the past and present,
confirming there could be no wrong steps forward,
the divide simply an invitation to reawaken to this journey
and joyfully take the next step.
Thinking…thinking….thinking….
No room for the heart to heal.
The cast iron vault concealing deep and splintering wounds too fragile to expose.
Can the world handle the explosion?
Is it ready for the imprisoned love and joy to be released?
Will critical thoughts, past hurts, and fear prevent the unleashing?
Oh, to find creativity again…
For creativity to find me.
Touching once more vitality,
vibrancy,
and free expression.
All that is left to do is to
Feel…feel…feel…
This newness thrills and enlivens me,
as the old ways woo me with protection and predictability.
It’s exhausting,
at times,
this dance!
Leaving it all behind too quickly there is no room to pause,
to catch my breath,
to reset.
Slowing too much
makes it difficult to find a rhythm in the steps.
and so I spin
and twirl
and feel my breath and body
slightly losing control,
occasionally stepping out of sequence,
joyfully embracing the imperfection,
and that’s when I know
I’m doing it right.
Finding the balance between expressing and encroaching,
between stepping back and leaning in.
There are moments to blend
and times to expand.
Expressing one’s colors
requires softness and boldness,
the ability to complement and hold up another and still stand fully on your own.
Today, will it be accent or statement?
There are places to be both.
I stop to touch the tree trunk as I walk by.
My nose perceives the sweetness of bright white clusters of flowers on the horizon and the moistness of the ground beneath me.
I watch as stillness and movement come and go.
I sense the invisible currents of the air
that bring me sounds,
some familiar and many more curious.
This is the work of being on this earth.
Not leaving memories,
but making them.
I am so powerful that I can command my own suffering to inform change.
I am so creative that I can find solutions to the underlying mysteries of my experiences.
I am so brave that I can step into my full consciousness and awareness with grace.
I am so smart that I can turn to love, kindness, and joy at any moment,
cultivating it within and inspiring it around me,
even in a world focused on being something else.
In her enormity,
unruliness,
and most unyielding state,
she is soft,
subtle,
clear in her direction,
ever capable of moving,
shifting,
adapting,
aligned,
attuned,
resonate,
in her power
and beauty.
We drink of her,
ride upon her crests,
sink cradled in her stillness,
follow her home,
allow her to absorb our burdens,
as we find peace by her side.
She reflects back to us always
what we need most to see.
Monday Mindfulness 