I am not broken.
Although, perhaps to some I may appear that way.
When I sit in stillness, in the quiet of my own heart, it is clear that I may be chipped.
I may be cracked.
Parts of me may be loose or wobbly,
but there is such a profound beauty
in all of the scars and markings of this worn and tired being,
that I can only imagine
if I were completely broken
I would be even more beautiful.
Today, I stand confident in who I am,
boundaries clear,
armor buffed and shield held high.
I speak up, stand up, and never back down when protecting you and ensuring your needs are met.
Today, I turn to face life’s challenges with the power of conviction
to protect my values for me,
uphold my beliefs that I deserve to be free of negative energy,
to have peace.
Today, I stand tall and strong in my truth,
and as I take up this new untarnished spiritual armor,
brave and resilient enough to confront those who aim to harm and belittle me,
I hope you raise your sword,
not to keep me small,
but in celebration of my
courage,
tenacity,
and
lovable strength.
My friend, we are not unicorns,
But dragons!
Full of fire.
Welling with generosity.
Sensitive to every tide
and shift of the barometer.
Fueled by passion.
Righteous in ancient tradition.
Bleeding tenderness and hope.
So sorely misunderstood
and under valued.
Especially when we love most deeply,
reveal our sensitive nature,
and suppress our power.
We submit to others
so that they can feel strong.
We are so powerful that we can suppress our very own needs,
to the point of falling ill and weak,
until inside us awakens the dragon heart
and we become so much love,
so much joy,
that the entire world lights up from our magnificence
and all doubt and judgment fades,
revealing our scales,
our scars,
and our wounds.
Stepping
proudly,
unapologetically,
fully
into our power.
I can.
I will.
I am.
Because someone needs it.
My voice,
my intellect,
my pulchritude,
my courage,
my strength,
my kindness,
my grace,
deserve to be
seen,
heard,
felt,
held.
I will make a big, beautiful, bold, magnificent mark on the world…
Because I already have.
Flock to my greatness.
Celebrate me.
Show me pure,
authentic,
loyal,
sweet,
daring,
unconditional love,
the same way I am showing up for you in this world.
Across the barren soil of imagination are strewn seeds of desire.
They float through the air like translucent orbs, barely noticeable.
Gradually, they land, softly burrowing into the jagged and uneven ground before them.
They are compelled to nestle in,
trusting that as they are swallowed up by the soil somehow this is what they need to grow.
And so they make themselves small, quiet and still,
compelled to sprout in time,
willing to grow slowly with care.
They will face the drought of unworthiness,
resistance as they break through and change the barren land,
impatience as they require much tending before they produce any flowers or fruit,
and fear that they may not survive at all.
The patient gardener knows this.
With an eye on the potential magnificence, beauty, and need for these seeds to flourish,
nurturing instead of forcing.
Waiting joyfully,
the gardener balances hope with knowing,
confident that with proper care, attention, consistency, and flexibility,
in due time these seeds will fully grow into their potential
and from them will come more translucent orbs ready to contribute to the wildest, most beautiful, richest landscape imaginable.
You are safe and loved.
I support you.
I will protect you.
It’s okay to feel sad, scared, or anxious.
It’s okay to say no.
I love you the way you are.
You are kind, smart, and funny.
You are important.
I am happy you are here.
I am love and have the love and support of something greater within me.
I don’t need to settle on attachments that artificially promote my worth.
I was born worthy of placement in a world where I can be truthful, feel universal love, and never have to prove my value.
I am the embodiment of love and peace and joy.
I need not seek confirmation of that from anyone but me.
I can stand on my own.
I turn to my own heart for safety and reassurance.
I choose self-love over attachment.
I choose to love who I am more than anyone else ever should or can.
The deepest, truest love is the love I have for myself.
I remember. I choose.
No longer led by the illusion that I must earn love from others.
I turn to the unconditional love that I already am.
For so long I have worked to convert false and illusory love into something genuine and real.
I took every secret, every lie, and tried to make good of it, convert it with my own love, and hold it in my heart as if somehow sacred.
It cut me off from believing I was worthy or capable of experiencing authentic love…so much so that I lost the connection to my own self love.
My heart never forgot. It diligently safeguarded that little piece of me while it held all the other illusions and hopes.
The portion of my heart that held onto dreams of apologies and repair finally grew so heavy and full of empty promises that it ripped itself away. Painfully it twisted and tugged, like an overripe piece of fruit trying to resist gravity’s pull. It finally fell away. Oh the sorrow. Even letting go of something rancid and rotting is still a severing, a deep and real loss.
As that fruit of my broken heart smashed to the ground, its void still consuming my awareness, little seeds of potentiality embedded in the ground. I saw in them hopes that somehow we have all learned from these lessons of untrue love.
Somehow we will remember that without filling there can be no emptying. Without love there is no hope. Without unabashed openness and courage, the fruit cannot ripen and go on to somehow grow into something beautiful.
And in the meantime, the void from the fallen fruit begins to fill with new leaves.
I follow my breath to the small, tender space of my heart.
This is where I find security and assurance.
This is where in the quiet and stillness I hear the sweet voice of my Self.
I feel the very center point of my existence.
From this center, I am clear as to what I am and what I am not.
From this center, I am kind, courageous, creative, curious,
and, oh, so, very smart and strong.
From this center, there is enough of me to hold both of us joyfully in our play as humans.
From this center, bright light radiates out and all around me full of unconditional love that doesn’t just give and fix and please.
No, this bright, magnificent light protects, defines, and honors my deepest self which in return brings forward my best self for all of us.
Centered in my Self I know more clearly who I am, and who I am not, washing away fear and doubt, posturing and grasping, and external pressures to conform or contract.
Centered in my Self I experience peace and confidence, ease and joy, harmony and health.
I long to be Self centered.
I am experimenting more and more with loving myself these days…not being safe or shoring up relationships to develop a sense of connection but authentic appreciation for who and where I am. I am showing up in the knowing that I have my intuition (that I will call Self) as a guide and while connection with community is an important element of the human experience, connection with my Self is just as crucial.
As I am learning to love myself, I am maneuvering through the awkward balance between selfish and selfless to find the sustainable space between…where ego informs, intuition guides, and I hold onto no preconceptions of what that will look and feel like as I determine what best serves.
The chain that secured the familiar is rattling. Full of insecurities, yours and mine, it informs as I release its grip on my heart, rusty links untangling for all of us to see that freedom is possible.
As I am rattling the chain around my heart I ask that you consider letting your chain rattle too to make room for a new way of showing up for you and for me.
Either way, I will be free but it might be more fun to conspire in the unchaining together.
Monday Mindfulness 