I am not broken.
Although, perhaps to some I may appear that way.
When I sit in stillness, in the quiet of my own heart, it is clear that I may be chipped.
I may be cracked.
Parts of me may be loose or wobbly,
but there is such a profound beauty
in all of the scars and markings of this worn and tired being,
that I can only imagine
if I were completely broken
I would be even more beautiful.
Tossing and turning
to release the entanglements,
the incomplete exchanges,
the charges,
the depletions,
the crossings,
taking from,
or rejecting
others
and self.
Battling in the darkness
the shame
and judgment
of the weaknesses,
mistakes,
and stuckness.
Playing the game
of loathing,
disaappintment,
protection,
defeat,
revenge,
in my sleep.
All the while knowing that whatever happened yesterday does not decide today.
No matter the outcome of the dreams or circumstances of before,
I will awake to a whole new tomorrow,
another opportunity to play.
My old, worn out shoes,
so familiar,
form to fit my imperfect feet,
adapted over time to accommodate my lopsided gate,
carrying me faithfully in my uneven stride.
There comes that time that those beloved companions have served their purpose,
worn out in functionality,
poised for retirement.
In come the replacements,
stiff,
awkward,
shifting,
adjusting.
Blisters making way for bliss – forging new connections for movement and growth.
One day this single path abruptly split in two.
The potential in both directions was intriguing and alluring,
albeit a bit daunting.
The split itself brought much spaciousness and beauty,
a chance to pause and survey the widespread landscape of the past and present,
confirming there could be no wrong steps forward,
the divide simply an invitation to reawaken to this journey
and joyfully take the next step.
I am so powerful that I can command my own suffering to inform change.
I am so creative that I can find solutions to the underlying mysteries of my experiences.
I am so brave that I can step into my full consciousness and awareness with grace.
I am so smart that I can turn to love, kindness, and joy at any moment,
cultivating it within and inspiring it around me,
even in a world focused on being something else.
The air turns cool.
Sound becomes distorted.
Sight goes offline.
Simultaneous smallness and vastness set in.
Swaddled simplicity meets rattled uncertainty.
The compass loses its point of focus,
directionality irrelevant.
Bending and moving through unfamiliar spaces,
offering lessons in courage,
the darkness is only temporary.
The current flows through me like a lightening bolt.
Jaggedly it rips at my center.
The burning wake of hollowness almost crumbles me to the ground.
As the charge hits the earth,
it dissipates,
diffuses,
extinguished in a flash.
Breath and smoldering flesh hang on.
Roots cling to the soil,
unhinged by the destruction.
The sky still dark,
the air now still,
droplets descend from the clouds as a small peace offering and attempt to soothe.
Shhhh….
calls out the rain.
You will prevail.
Forever changed, yes.
Wearing the beautiful mark
of challenge overcome,
and your willingness to be a conduit
for the powerful energy of
change.
If our morals and beliefs suggest that we should all
love,
support,
and guide one another,
then wouldn’t true,
authentic
moral conviction
show up in the form of
grace
and forgiveness,
not shackles?
A calling back of the misguided to the embrace of
patience and gentleness,
not humiliation
and chastisement.
The invitation
to not be isolated,
but to come closer.
To take accountability.
To grieve in communion
for the loss
of others wounded by their actions
and
for their own internal suffering.
To wail in the arms of
a community
that shoulders mistakes,
missteps,
and misdeeds,
with understanding and humility,
no matter how egregious
on the surface.
To shed tears together to cleanse,
not punish,
embrace,
not discard,
teach,
not convict.
Fresh water mixes with salt.
The gateway brackish,
murky,
churning.
Swimming against the angry currents of
struggle,
despair,
and loss.
Riding the tides with
flexibility
and fortitude,
trust
and patience.
Constantly changing conditions stir hope and determination.
Survival requires adaptability.
Leaving the familiar marshes of the small, quiet stream
to swim in the wide open playground of the ocean.
This choice
a devotion.
This river of tears
leads to an ocean of joy.
Be firm in your direction of travel,
humbled confidence as your guide.
With peace, kindness, and assuredness,
go forth.
Fulfill your dreams.
Don your most regal robes of passion and creativity.
Harness the flames of focus and determination.
Let the earth quake and rumble,
the skies fill with darkness,
and ride not into conflict and challenge as a battle,
but as an opportunity to demonstrate your
strength,
intelligence,
and fortitude.
Monday Mindfulness 