I am not broken.
I am not fragile.
But I am deserving of your kindness.
I do not have to have something wrong with me for you to hold me in your grace, comfort me, love me.
Let me be strong, smart, brave, and wrapped in your love…
and I will do the same for you.
Then, maybe our hurts won’t need to be so big, so often.
Rolling in, rolling out.
The waves may be big. The waves may be small.
There may be great space between or a quickness that causes me uneasiness.
For a moment I feel unsteady, unable to trust. Is it the waves or is it me I doubt?
I soften and focus my awareness.
I find a rhythmic ebb and flow within.
Doubt disappears as my internal rhythms take over. I settle into the flow.
I create the ease that I crave. I am not the waves.
I am not the fear.
I am the power behind it all.
I imagine to the universe we are much like day lilies,
endless varieties,
no two alike.
Ages in the making,
we are relatively predictable in our growing,
blooming just for an instant.
The landscape of our world is ever changed by each little bud and blossom as it pops briefly open and vanishes instantly, leaving just its memory imprinted on the wind in its unique and lasting fragrance.
It’s so hard to come out of this cocoon,
Perfectly fitting around me,
The barrier I need to dampen sensations and dull the sharp contrast of the outer world and what’s going on inside of me.
I arrive at the precipice of transformation, the seal broken on my familiar encasing,
The time now ripe for my evolution.
Thinking the hard part is past me,
The formation of this new way of being is here.
And yet as the cocoon slices open, there is no longer a sense of security, of the familiar, or predictability.
These new wings are wet and heavy, my footing unsure.
My nourishment and direction are uncertain.
Yet, I find the courage to spread my wings, scattering the newly applied and still wet coating that will ultimately protect me.
Now settling into this new being,
I look out at the vast horizon.
Vibrant colors, textures and shapes seem distantly familiar,
Invigorating my curiosity,
Reminding me vaguely of what I once was and what I now will be.
It is time.
I flutter my wings.
I am free.
The more connected I am to you in compassion the more I realize my capacity to give and receive love.
It is in the receiving that I find connection to my higher knowing of my strengths and goodness, of my value and purpose, of harmony and grace.
Love me, but above all may I be capable of receiving that love.
For the love in me becomes the roots and branches of all that I am.
Grief…it’s not about the loss as much as creating and being able to access a little warm place in your heart where you hold that connection forever.
I used to think that grief was the act of severing ties and throwing away something special because it was lost.
But now I know that grief is a process of storing the memories of the specialness of every experience regardless of its labels, conditions, and how it came to be or not be.
Grief is experiencing the loss without getting lost.
Your dreams are never out of reach.
Because they are yours to touch, change, create or release at any time.
They can never be bigger, scarier, or beyond you because they are an extension of you,
Here to serve you,
Linked to your greatest potential,
Always with the intention of informing your highest good.
When you are suffering, my smile does not mean I don’t care. It may be that I am just opening my heart more in a time when yours may feel closed off.
I am holding a space of warmth and hope in which you can feel sad but not alone.
Allow my smile to soften your pain and be not a blinding light but a guiding light.
Feeling and noticing love and joy in others does not negate the loss. It just reminds us of our capacity to heal and honor loss without getting lost in it ourselves.
For each of us there is a layer that surrounds and holds our thoughts and feelings, that ties physical material existence to a sense of being. Built into the walls of that container are our beliefs, values, and desires, ever connected and blending with the feelings of others. These characteristics are what give the container strength but can also become places of vulnerability, weakness, and destruction. Stress fractures can begin to appear over time in the container where the values, beliefs, and habits are challenged, become inflexible and brittle.
Signs of wear or weakness are not markers of fault in the container, but a means for assessing whether repair or replacement could be useful. It may be the values and beliefs woven into that section are ready for reconditioning.
When I visualize the materials, tools, and mending — stitching the fabric, soldering the metal, molding the clay – and give myself permission to reshape the container, perhaps even layering different media, I can begin to fill and empty with experiences in a way that projects and protects the me I have come to be.
Sometimes hyper focus may seem lovely but it could actually be clouding my capacity to see.
I’m not distracted…I’m just interested in more exceptional things!
Monday Mindfulness 