I am not broken.
I am not fragile.
But I am deserving of your kindness.
I do not have to have something wrong with me for you to hold me in your grace, comfort me, love me.
Let me be strong, smart, brave, and wrapped in your love…
and I will do the same for you.
Then, maybe our hurts won’t need to be so big, so often.
Rolling in, rolling out.
The waves may be big. The waves may be small.
There may be great space between or a quickness that causes me uneasiness.
For a moment I feel unsteady, unable to trust. Is it the waves or is it me I doubt?
I soften and focus my awareness.
I find a rhythmic ebb and flow within.
Doubt disappears as my internal rhythms take over. I settle into the flow.
I create the ease that I crave. I am not the waves.
I am not the fear.
I am the power behind it all.
Moving from experience to experience, fertilizing each moment with the lingering imprint from where I have been.
Carrying just enough with me to grow a place to land tomorrow.
Taking my time right here and now to nourish and enjoy myself is the only way to ensure that enough of this experience sticks to me fruitfully.
Life flowers fully before me when I linger where I am and carry only the good stuff with me.
I imagine to the universe we are much like day lilies,
endless varieties,
no two alike.
Ages in the making,
we are relatively predictable in our growing,
blooming just for an instant.
The landscape of our world is ever changed by each little bud and blossom as it pops briefly open and vanishes instantly, leaving just its memory imprinted on the wind in its unique and lasting fragrance.
It’s not that I don’t suffer.
It’s just that I don’t choose for suffering to be my way of being.
Caught my finger briefly in the door.
Intense sensation.
Rush of pain.
Momentarily immobilized.
No blood, no mark, and yet I felt such an enormous affront.
Breath gradually returns.
Senses calm.
Back to OK.
Realizing how deceiving hurts can be on the outside…no way to know how the hurt is unfolding on the inside.
What seems like such a minor encounter could feel quite crushing on the inside.
Perhaps it would serve best to judge less and avoid assessing whether feeling hurt is appropriate and rather focus on finding the way back to OK.
The sun typically illuminates the moon.
The moon relying on the sun to be seen.
On occasion they come into complete opposition.
The earth interferes with the sun’s capacity to light the moon.
For a moment there appears to be total darkness.
And then the moon emerges more strikingly in the sky than ever before, full of deep, rich color.
The moon becomes something new,
The dark more luminous,
The sun still shining.
Adversity the catalyst,
Throughout the darkness.
Grief…it’s not about the loss as much as creating and being able to access a little warm place in your heart where you hold that connection forever.
I used to think that grief was the act of severing ties and throwing away something special because it was lost.
But now I know that grief is a process of storing the memories of the specialness of every experience regardless of its labels, conditions, and how it came to be or not be.
Grief is experiencing the loss without getting lost.
I know I am part of the cosmos,
a little spec of star dust put here on this earth to sparkle.
I am meant to connect with other particles of the universe to create something greater.
Some times I feel I’m not bright or powerful enough to pull it off.
Sometimes it seems my internal guidance needs calibration…signal weak, lost.
Other times I foolishly try to shine all on my own.
But the energy it takes to stand apart, to try to be the universe on my own
quickly brings me to exhaustion.
It is only when I recognize the I, the me, the we and the shared power in our communal healing and being
That I become the vibrant, harmonious, full sense of who I really am.
Life presents challenges.
Challenges confirm purpose.
Purpose is the path I walk.
I walk in purpose, not on purpose.
I walk this path not because I am supposed to
But because I chose this direction.
Together with challenge – in purpose – we move towards that which serves a greater good…
To love,
to serve,
to heal
freely.
